Dating Dilemma #3 : Dodging the Clingy Octopus: Managing Aggressive Behavior on Dates
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Java Jane 
From: Java Jane
To: GiGi The Dating Guru 
Subject: Help! My Date Was More Aggressive Than a Pop-Up Ad 😳
Hi GiGi,
I seriously need your wisdom right now! 💫
So, a little about me: I’m a software developer living in sunny San Diego. My weekdays are all about writing clean code and tackling bugs, but on the weekends, I’m either paddle boarding at the beach, attempting to bake the perfect sourdough, or binging the latest sci-fi series. Life is pretty sweet—until I hit a glitch in my dating life! 🌊🍞📺
So, I recently went out with a guy I met on a dating app and what a smooth talker he turned out to be. Everything was going great at first; he had this charming smile and a laugh that was totally contagious. We went to this cool rooftop bar with a killer view of the city. The conversation was flowing, and I was feeling all the good vibes.
But then, things took a turn. About halfway through the evening, he started getting way too touchy-feely. He kept trying to hold my hand, even though I was giving off some major “not interested” signals. Then he leaned in way too close, and I’m talking close enough that I could smell his cologne (which, by the way, was way too strong, but that’s beside the point). 😬
I laughed nervously, trying to deflect, but he wasn’t getting the hint. He made this awkward joke about me being “too cute to resist,” which made me feel super uncomfortable. I was honestly hoping for a fun night with good conversation, not a wrestling match with my personal space! 😒
GiGi, I’m at a loss. How do I handle a guy who comes on too strong without things getting awkward or turning into a scene? I just want to enjoy a date without feeling like I need to dodge a game of tag! Help me out here, please!
Desperately Seeking Decent Dates,
Java Jane
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Did You Know? 65%
💡Here’s a quick heads-up, Busy Girls! While both single men and women feel the dating struggle, women are more likely to face negative experiences. About 65% of single women looking to date have encountered harassment, like unwanted touching or false rumors, compared to 50% of men. This pattern holds true whether people are currently dating or not.
GiGi the Dating Guru
From: GiGi The Dating Guru
To: Java Jane
Subject: Help! My Date Was More Aggressive Than a Pop-Up Ad 
Hi, Java Jane ,
First, let me wrap you in a virtual hug because, girl, I hear you loud and clear. Navigating the dating world can sometimes feel like walking through a minefield, especially when your date turns from charming to alarming in the blink of an eye. It’s completely natural to feel shaken after encountering someone who didn’t respect your boundaries, but I’m so proud of you for listening to your instincts and getting out of that situation safely. That’s the kind of quick thinking and self-respect that will keep you shining in this wild world of romance.
Now, let’s talk about why taking action in situations like this is so crucial. By recognizing those red flags and asserting your boundaries, you’re not only protecting your physical safety but also preserving your emotional well-being. Setting clear limits early on helps you maintain control over your dating experience and ensures that you’re only investing time in someone who truly values and respects you. It’s all about building a foundation of mutual respect—something every queen like you deserves. So let’s arm you with the tools you need to navigate future dates with confidence and clarity!
Red Flags Before the Date
Before you even agree to meet in person, there are a few subtle hints that can clue you in on whether your potential date might turn out to be more aggressive than charming:
Overly Eager Communication: If he’s bombarding you with texts or messages at all hours and pushing to meet up ASAP, this could be a sign of impatience or disregard for your comfort level.
Pushing for Personal Details: Does he insist on knowing your home address, workplace, or other personal information before you’re comfortable sharing? This could indicate a lack of respect for your privacy.
Inappropriate Humor: If his jokes make you feel uneasy or if he brushes off your concerns with a laugh, take note. Humor should make you feel at ease, not anxious.
Lack of Respect for Your Schedule: If he insists on meeting at inconvenient times for you or pressures you to cancel other plans, he’s showing signs of controlling behavior.
Too Much, Too Soon: If he’s already talking about a future together or making grand gestures before you’ve even met, this could be a red flag that he’s trying to rush the relationship.
Essential Dating Tips to Stay Safe
Meet in Public Places: Always choose a well-lit, populated location for your first few dates. Coffee shops, parks, and busy restaurants are great options to keep things casual & safe.
Set Boundaries Early: It’s okay to be upfront about your comfort levels. Saying something like, “I’m excited to meet you, but I prefer to keep things low-key on the first date,” can set the tone.
Keep Friends in the Loop: Let a close friend know where you’re going and who you’re with. Share your location via a phone app if possible, so someone has your back.
Trust Your Instincts: If something feels off, don’t be afraid to call it a night early. Your safety and comfort come first, always.
Have an Exit Strategy: Plan a way out if the date isn’t going well. Drive yourself, arrange for a friend to pick you up, or have a ride-share app ready to go.
Gigi’s Final Thoughts
Darling, your intuition is your greatest ally in the dating world. If a situation doesn’t feel right, don’t hesitate to step back and reassess. Remember, dating should be an enjoyable experience where both parties feel comfortable and respected. Anyone who doesn’t honor your boundaries isn’t worth your time. Your peace and safety are priceless—never compromise on them.
Keep these red flags and tips in mind as you journey through the dating world. Trust yourself, set clear boundaries, and remember that the right person will always respect and value you. You’ve got the power, and you deserve the very best. Keep shining, my dear!
All the best,
GiGi
GiGi's Reading Picks
Set Boundaries Workbook: Your Guide to Healthy Limits : Ready to take control of your life? This workbook by Nedra Glover Tawwab is your go-to for mastering healthy boundaries. Packed with exercises, prompts, and checklists, it helps you understand your needs and put those limits into action. Perfect for anyone who wants to speak up confidently and show up authentically. Say goodbye to people-pleasing and hello to a life that truly reflects YOU!
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: Reclaim Your Life : Discover the secret to stress-free relationships with this must-read from Nedra Glover Tawwab. Learn how to identify, set and maintain healthy boundaries without feeling guilty. Backed by the latest research, this book offers practical, easy-to-follow advice for saying “no” and meaning it. It’s your ticket to healthier relationships and a more peaceful life.
Boundaries Updated and Expanded: Take Control of Your Life : Feeling overwhelmed? This updated classic by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend shows you how to reclaim control with healthy, biblical boundaries. Learn when to say yes, how to say no, and protect your digital life without guilt. Perfect for anyone ready to take charge and create a life that aligns with their values.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: Unlock Men’s Secrets : Get inside a man’s mind with Steve Harvey’s best-selling guide! Updated with fresh insights, this book reveals what men really think about love, intimacy, and commitment. Packed with humor and real talk, it’s a must-read for women looking to spice up their relationships and understand what makes men tick.
Read People Like a Book: Master the Art of Human Nature : Become a mind reader with this powerful guide to understanding people. Learn how to analyze body language, detect lies, and predict behavior like a pro. This isn’t your average psychology book—it’s your secret weapon for building deep connections and boosting your emotional intelligence.
Safe People: Protect Yourself with Healthier Relationships : Tired of toxic relationships? This eye-opening book by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend helps you identify and avoid unsafe people. Learn how to build a circle of supportive, honest, and trustworthy friends who help you become your best self. Say goodbye to manipulation and hello to genuine connections.
Think This, Not That: Break Through to Your Best Self : Ready for a mindset makeover? Dr. Josh Axe’s guide helps you ditch limiting beliefs and embrace a life full of growth and success. Discover 12 powerful mindshifts that will transform your outlook, boost your confidence, and unlock your true potential. Perfect for anyone wanting to level up their life!
The New Rules for Love, Sex, and Dating: Modern Love, No Regrets : Navigate the dating world with wisdom and confidence! Andy Stanley’s guide offers uncensored advice on how to avoid dating disasters and set yourself up for long-term relationship success. With practical tips and tough questions, this book is a game-changer for anyone ready to date with purpose and intention.
"The Better Boundaries Workbook" helps you learn the art of saying no and expressing your needs without feeling selfish. This CBT-based program is all about setting limits and making sure you’re respected in every relationship. Discover why boundaries are key to your mental and emotional health, and get plenty of tips on keeping them strong. Grab this book and start protecting your peace like never before!
Love Life: Elevate Your Dating Game : Take control of your love life with Matthew Hussey’s practical guide to finding and keeping love. Learn how to raise your standards, communicate your needs, and build the confidence to attract the right partner. This book is more than just about dating—it’s about creating a life you love.
This article was human crafted, edited & researched using the assistance of AI and is for information & entertainment purposes only. This article should not be construed as advice and is provided without warranty of any kind.
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